Maybe it 's for the best , at the moment .

Maybe a break is a good thing for me right now , maybe some time away from him will make me not think about all this stupid shit right now . It 's so fucking hard , I don 't know how to keep up . I love him so much , I can 't fully let go . Tell me if i 'm wrong . Should I not care about the other girls ? Is this break really worth it ? A guy needs his needs , I guess ? Or am I just being too clingy ? Nagging him about everything , won 't help . Especially when were in a situation where I can 't see him at all :/ Like maybe not being with him , won 't hurt me as much if he does end up doing something . I don 't want to lose feelings for him , but i 'm scared . Like what if can 't deal with the other girl on the side , even though he says that he can never replace me with some other girl ..... It 's bullshit feeling this way :/

When it hurts ;

I guess this is what it means when you take a chance with somebody . Things will happen that you don 't necessarily want to happen . Like when someone cheats in a relationship , you know it 'll come but you don 't know when . Hate having to know that one day it will happen , knowing that you 'll get hurt . Hate knowing that i 've already grown so much feelings and how much it 'll take for me to let go . And it sucks , having him already know what my weaknesses are . I feel like I already know what 's coming for me . What do I do then , if he does end up doing something ? Whateverr , maybe I should just let it go since I know I won 't beable to do anything about it . Even if I tell him cheating on me will end up losing me , I know it won 't work because I know he can still win me back . I feel like an ass , I would probably still feel like an ass if I take him back if he does end up cheating on me . UGH , alright whateverr dude . I 'm only writing about this to let everything out , because i seriously don 't want to argue with him no more . And cry about some stupid shit .......

Just came home from reno , and it was boring like all the other times i 've went there . But whateverr , i 'm mad that I didn 't get to go to my bestfriend 's birthday party :/ I fucking miss everyone like damn . I wish we were in school already , and i 'm gonna see everyone else at joy 's debut on saturday . But ugh , i hate how i 'm gonna see some there that i really don 't want see there . He 's such an ass dude ! Whateverr , i 'm not even gonna talk to him anyways . Okay so I guess i gotta go now , update you later .

January 27, 2009

So I finally renewed my blog spot , deleted all the past blogs and starting with the new . I haven 't wrote on here for a while now . Mhm , summer 's been an a s s . I 've been on Lock Down , so nothin 's been crackin with me -_____- To update you with everything . My parent 's are psycho , they found out about me and my boyfriend . Decided to Ground me and put me on house arrest -___- took away my cell phone , ALL my privileges of going out . Not even with my friends. I 'm not even suppose to be online right now , but oh wells . UGH I hate this shit :/ it 's like I can 't do nothing about it , cos my mom don 't even want to listen to what I have to say . But whateverr , I have only one more year til i can do whatever I want . It is what it is , so I guess I just gotta live it like there 's no tomorow :/


Tomorow , I go to Reno with the Family . I 'll write more in a few ...